


Retrouvaille

by dizzyconstellations



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Amnesia, Amnesiac Buck, Angst, Established Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz Angst, M/M, Sad Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), pre-season 4
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:41:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27870945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzyconstellations/pseuds/dizzyconstellations
Summary: After an accident, Buck ends up in the hospital. He wakes up with no recollection of what happened and holding a stranger’s hand claiming to be his boyfriend, Eddie. Except the last serious relationship he remembers having was with Abby.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 124





	1. Blackout

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place time after Season 3. I started writing the first chapter before anything related Season 4 was announced. So it won't be following anything happening in Season 4. I chose the word Retrouvaille because I saw that it was a French word for rediscovery and the rediscovery of a marriage. It seemed fitting since Buck will go through a rediscovery of his close relationships.

The early morning chill clung to Buck’s body like a second skin. It was an overcast day in the city of Los Angeles, being as cold as it could be for Southern California. It had stormed the night before and it was set to pour down today, which only meant that it’d be a particularly busy day for him. Angelinos absolutely lose it when it rains. They have no rational thoughts when the sky cracks open and pours down.

“Good morning!” Buck beamed cheerfully at the lingering firefighters standing by the fire engine, bags intact ready to go home. “How’s it going?”

They mumbled gruffly at him, wiping the heavy sleep off their eyelids. Buck didn’t take it too personally, he knew just how hard pulling a 24 hour shift was. He also had, as Hen liked to put it, the energy of a puppy golden retriever. 

“Someone rolled out of bed fresh like a daisy,” Chimney remarked as Buck walked into the locker room. He handed Buck a tupperware of homemade cookies. “Here. Don’t worry, kid, I didn’t make them. Maddie says they’re your favorite.”

“Thanks, man,” Buck’s smile gleamed under the lights and Chimney felt sick seeing someone so energetic so early in the morning. “I actually made it in time to get my favorite coffee and now Maddie’s cookies. Can this day get any better?”

“It’s 8 am, Buck, how are you this peppy?”

Buck would recognize that voice through any roaring fire, through any brain haze caused by smoke inhalation. His body automatically flushed, his heart accelerated at an unnatural rate, and his brain became syrup, swimming grotesquely in his head. All because of that voice.

“Eddie!” 

Buck clambered over the bench and nearly knocked Eddie off kilter in order to hug the veteran. Eddie only chuckled and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend.

“Yield, puppy,” Chimney joked, his laugh dying as the pair stayed tangled in one another. “Okay, guys, keep it PG. I’m not--damn it my eyes, have you no shame?”

Eddie pulled Buck down by the neck and pressed their lips soundly together. Instinctively, Buck’s hands carded through Eddie’s thick hair and yanked his head closer, eliciting a moan from the brunet. 

“Yup, there goes my appetite,” Chimney grumbled, sidestepping past them. “Don’t let Cap see you making out in the locker room.”

“I missed you this morning,” Eddie whispered as they pulled away. “Come over tonight.”

Buck bit his lip, “I can’t, Eds. I already promised Maddie we’d go out for dinner and have our sibling bonding.”

“Oh, is that tonight?” Eddie asked, taking his LAFD shirt out of his bag and stripping out of his civilian clothes. Buck blushed like a school boy, as if it wasn’t something he hadn’t seen before. “You guys going to that new Thai place she mentioned?”

“Yeah, she’s really excited,” Buck couldn’t help but grin. “She’s been craving it for weeks and she wants to have a mini celebration before she officially goes on maternity leave this week.” 

Their relationship was relatively new. Buck having finally gotten closure from his relationship with Abby, he was finally ready to embark on a serious relationship. His relationship with Ali had been exciting, his relationship with Abby had been a turning point, but this going on with Eddie was completely life-changing. It was incredibly domestic, it always had been, and it felt safe and organic. 

They had finally stopped dancing around each other and gotten together after a fire gone awry. That had been a few months ago. Though the feelings stemmed longer, running deeper than any platonic magnetism they had initially felt. Buck’s jealousy had been a mask for his instant attraction. Their initial budding friendship that had bloomed rapidly and passionately so, full of trust and acceptance, had been a starting foundation for their love.   
  


* * *

Buck pulled out of the lot and began his journey towards his home, through the winding streets. The rain pelted down in heavy sheets and sloshed the streets causing pandemonium in their descent. Angelinos scurried around dizzily in their cars, a completely different sight from the Pennsylvanians who didn’t panic much at the sight of snow.

Thankfully, he made it onto a more deserted avenue. That’s when he noticed a lanyard laying on his car floor. He hastily pressed his sister’s contact onto his phone and situated it on the phone holder.

_ “Buck?” _

Her melodic voice rang out through his car, a soft sound in comparison to the crashing rain noisily pouring on the roof of his car. 

_ “Are you driving? How many times am I supposed to tell you that isn’t safe? Do you know how many calls I get--” _

“Relax, Mads,” Buck soothed, as he pulled into a red light. “It’s on speaker and I’m at a red light. I’m calling because I think you left your lanyard in my car.”

_ “My lanyard?”  _ Buck could hear the rustle of her rummaging through her purse.  _ “Damn it. I think it’s my badge, not my house keys. I need that to get into the call center. They have scanners and better security because of the break in now.” _

“Don’t worry, I’ll bring it in the morning,” With the light still on red, he unhooked his seatbelt and leaned over to pluck the lanyard off the floor. A shiny badge with Maddie’s face glimmered under the streetlight. “Yup, it’s definitely your badge. Cute picture, Mads. Look at those little cheeks.”

_ “Oh, shut up, Buck.” _

He laughed, stepped on the gas pedal, and reached a hand over for his seat belt.

“Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow--oh shit!”

He reacted too late. There was a blaring sound of a horn and the flooding flash of white lights. The truck was massive and slammed into the side of his Jeep, flinging his car like a rag doll through the slippery, deserted road. There was a ringing in his ear and the metallic taste of blood in his mouth.

_ “Buck? Buck answer me! Buck? Chimney call 9-1-1! Buck!” _

* * *

His head felt like it was being compressed by an elephant. His body ached all over. His face felt wet. Was that the rain? 

“Sir, are you awake?”

“M-M-Maddie?” 

His sister. Why is he thinking of his sister? He hadn’t seen her in years. Last time he heard, she was living in a cushy house in Hershey, Pennsylvania with her cardiothoracic surgeon husband. 

He can feel hands ghosting over his body, assessing him. He can hear the sounds of a saw and the feel of a neck brace being strapped on him. 

“He’s conscious, Captain.” 

Captain. Cap...Bobby! He remembers being told off by Bobby too many times to count. If he thought he was being reckless before, he sure as hell was going to give him hell for this…

What had he done exactly? Where was he? Why did his head hurt so badly?

“Hurts…” He mumbled, sleepily through the haze. “Head hurts.”

“I know, buddy, we’re gonna get you out of here, okay?”

Buck could distinctly hear the sounds of him being extracted from the wreckage of his car and transported. He could feel the prick of the IV being inserted and his shirt being cut open. He remembers the fluorescent lights and the distinguishable scent only a hospital can have. He can hear the voices like a strong surge of a river crashing into his ears, causing another ache in his head. 

This was all before he succumbed to his pain and everything was dull and dark.

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably medically inaccurate. I know nothing, so let's just pretend it's realistic.

_ Beep. Beep. Beep. _

Why was no one shutting off that incessant beeping? Was that his alarm? No, it was higher pitched and softer. He definitely wasn’t sleeping in his own bed. The sheets were cold and scratchy and there was a heavy scent in the air. 

Buck groaned, feeling an onslaught of pain wash over him. He could feel a spot of warmth on his right hand, tightening its hold on him. He stayed motionless, wanting nothing more than to go back to sleep.

“Buck?” The voice was deep with a rich timbre that shook with concern. “Buck, honey, are you awake?”

“Five more minutes…” He wanted to roll over on his side, but that only caused the vertigo to hit him full force. He felt like he was teetering on an amusement park ride, waiting eagerly to jump off because he was two seconds away from barfing. “Whoa.”

His eyes flew open to a white pristine room decorated with vibrant flowers and balloons. There were blankets and bags laid askew around the chairs making it look less dismal. He didn’t recognize his setting. His eyes shifted to the man next to him, who definitely was not someone he knew. 

The man’s dark hair was disheveled, his forehead looked permanently marked with worry lines, and his clear honey brown eyes were glossy from unshed tears. Disoriented, Buck jerked away from the man tangling himself in the wiring that surrounded him. The dark haired man sprang forward, carefully releasing Buck from the mess of jumbled wires and tangled sheets. 

“I...uh...thanks.” Buck couldn’t manage many words, he was too discombobulated. He winced at the sound of his raspy voice that broke off into a loose croak. 

The man smiled warmly at him and offered him a cup of water from the pitcher on the table next to his bed. Buck drank timidly, avoiding the man’s soft gaze. He felt utterly exposed and this wasn’t something Buck was used to. The man’s staring wasn’t something Buck was used to. Sure, he had people gawk at him, he wasn’t narcissistic, but he knew he was attractive. But this was different. This was pure, soft, and loving and it scared the living shit out of him.

Who the hell is this guy?

Somewhere in the back of his mind he can hear a name bubbling in the depths of knotted, messy memories. He mustered no name, but a static, faint memory of someone talking about eight packs and calendars. He knew that memory, that memory that barely flickered to life before dying just as quickly, wasn’t his. It didn’t stop the flare of anger that lit up inside of him. 

Before he can unleash his sudden, unknown bout of anger onto the stranger a small, thrilled squeal caught him off guard. His eyes traveled to the door and what he saw there floored him.

“Maddie?”

His sister’s brown eyes sparkled with tears and she wobbled towards him, hand gripping the swell of her belly. She smiled tenderly at him, brushing away the dirty curls that clung to his forehead.

She looked older than he remembered, yet there was a youthful glow to her. She stood as if she had no weight on her shoulders, with such an ease that she never displayed on the rare Christmas cards he had received every blue moon. There was an oddity to the situation that his brain hadn’t yet clued in on, it lingered in the moment, but he pushed past any weird thoughts and basked in the fact that his sister was here.

“Maddie, what are you doing here?” She rolled her eyes at him and smiled emotionally in a silent way of telling him that of course she would be here. But she hadn’t before, why now? 

His eyes hovered over her stomach, “Y-you’re pregnant. Wow, congrats.” He ignored the odd look she shot him and peered behind her. “Where’s Doug? Did he not come?”

Not that he was hoping his brother-in-law was here. He had been a decent enough guy when Buck had met him. Buying him ice cream and even going to see some of his games. He had tried his darndest to win him over and Buck had liked him at first, but he was left with resentment after he had moved Maddie across the state. 

“E-Evan?” Maddie’s worried eyes flickered to the dark haired man who stiffened and his grip on Buck’s hand loosened. 

Buck tentatively drew his hand back to his side, a part of him missed the warm comfort of the man’s hand. His blue eyes landed on Maddie’s hand placed on her stomach where a glistening diamond ring was perched on her ring finger. That most certainly was not the ring Doug had gotten her.

“Did you remarry?” It was a simple question yet it caused so much anguish in his sister. “Shit, sorry. Look — it's just...well, you don’t exactly keep in touch, Mads.”

“Buck.”

The man’s fingers slipped under his chin and turned his attention to him. His brown eyes bore into his blue ones with such intensity he felt a burning feeling spread through him. There was a weird sense of familiarity to him, but Buck couldn’t place it. Frankly, it was freaking him out.

He twisted his face out of the man’s hands with a grimace, “Can you give me some personal space?” He fixed his attention on Maddie again. “What’s going on Maddie? What happened to me that was so serious you booked the first flight from Hershey?”

“Oh, Buck…” Maddie trembled and he noticed Chimney enter the room, he immediately discarded his coffee and went to steady her. The tenderness in his touch and the love in his teammate’s eyes threw his whole world off kilter.

What the hell was that? Maddie had never even met Chimney, unless they met in the hospital lobby not too long ago. Buck immediately felt protective of his sister and her newfound relationship with someone who definitely was not one Mr. Howard Han.

“Hey, man back off she’s married!” Buck exclaimed, feeling exhaustion seeping into his bones by the whirlwind occurring around him.

“Engaged, actually,” Chimney’s face remained stoic but his eyes said another story, “To me...Buck, what’s going on here?”

The dark haired man’s hands were on his cheeks, his face mere inches from Buck’s. His brown eyes misty and wary as they stared Buck down. His voice was nothing but a soft whisper, half broken and half gone, yet Buck heard it loud and clear.

“Evan, sweetheart, do you know who I am?”

“S-sweetheart?” He choked on the words. His mind felt numb. He no longer was in his own body, he felt like he was an outsider looking in. “I’m not...you’re not...I don’t know who you are.”

The man flinched, withdrawing hastily as if Buck’s words had burned him. He withered like a desiccated plant in the middle of the desert in front of him. He looked hollow as if he’d shut down completely.

“What the hell is going on?” Buck wanted to tear his hair out. Why was Maddie crying? Why was Chimney looking at him like that? Who the hell was the man next to him?

Buck wanted to cry. He felt like there was a missing puzzle piece in this situation and it was lost. He was losing his mind, surely, that would explain everything. Some part of him knows he was supposed to remember the man next to him, but for the life of him he couldn’t. That aggravated him to the core, to the point of wanting to scream. 

“Am I...am I supposed to know who you are?” Buck wanted to shake the man, but he remained motionless like a statue watching him with teary eyes. 

“What do you remember, Buck?” Chimney hesitantly walked towards him, his eyes assessing Buck. That was his paramedic look and it was the main confirmation that something was wrong.

“I remember…” 

What did he remember? 

He remembered the excruciating pain, bright lights, and shattered glass. He remembers someone calling out his name. He remembers coming to the hospital, but he can’t remember the reason he was in here in the first place.

“I can’t—I can’t remember,” His voice broke as a sob rose in his throat, “Chimney, I can’t remember. Why can’t I remember?”

The sob thrashed through his body violently. He had to leave. He had to get out of here. Buck pawed at the wiring, his fingers slipping up as he tried tearing off his IV. Chimney, being the only composed person in the room, shoved him back into his bed. His hands gripped Buck’s shoulders, thumbs pressing down and rubbing soothing circles. 

“Buck, you need to calm down,” Chimney soothed. If he was panicking he didn’t show it. “Take a deep breath, everything’s going to be fine.”

That was enough to cause Buck to go berserk again. He flailed in his bed, shaking his head dramatically as the tears slithered down his face, hot and heavy.

“Nothing is fine, Chimney,” Buck snapped, letting out a wail as the reality of it all wrapped around him in a cold vice. “I can’t remember. I can’t remember what happened to me. I can’t remember yesterday. I don’t know why you and Maddie are together. I don’t remember him.”

That seemed to snap the man out of his reverie. He swallowed, jutting his chin up in resolution. He looked like he was mustering every bit of strength he had in him and trained his attention on Buck. The full fledge intensity of his stare was on Buck again, it was almost calming, but not enough to dwindle the panic gnawing at his chest.

The man stood up and Chimney let Buck slump back into his pillows. 

“Eddie…” Chimney reached out a hand towards the man, Eddie, a sign of comfort. 

Eddie merely shook his head, “I’ll go get the doctor. He should be alerted of the situation.”

Eddie left the room, seemingly ignoring Buck as he did so. Buck felt a iciness wash over him and he glanced at Chimney, questioning him with his eyes. Chimney was already at his sister’s side, kissing her head. 

Buck wanted to smack his head onto the machine next to him and wake up with all the missing puzzle pieces again. 

* * *

“Family of Evan Buckley?” 

Maddie rushed up in a frenzy, Athena and Chimney on each side of her holding her for support. Bobby stood back, placing a hand on Eddie’s shoulder as the doctor approached them. The army medic had moved in the past hours, choosing to brood in silence, no matter how much Bobby pried. 

“When Mr. Buckley first arrived and we had mentioned there was swelling in his brain,” The doctor explained, retelling information the group had already been relayed when they found out about the accident. “We alleviated it, but as with any type of head trauma, or any trauma, there’s a possible chance of consequences. As we previously explained Miss Buckley, we wanted to evaluate him once he awakened to make sure his motor skills were functioning and see the full range of his mental abilities.”

“Get to the point, doc,” Eddie gritted out and Bobby’s hand tightened on his shoulder as the captain stared apologetically at the doctor.

The doctor ignored the jab, clearly used to it, “As I was saying, a few days ago we completed a full evaluation of Mr. Buckley’s brain patterns. The MRI showed some abnormalities, the ones we previously spoke about, but we couldn’t be sure of the full scope of what those abnormalities would be until he woke up. Now, we can say with certainty that Mr. Buckley is enduring retrograde amnesia.”

“I could have told you that,” Eddie muttered bitterly, collapsing back into the plastic chair. 

“We had him perform a memory test,” The doctor continued, “His recollection extends from his earliest memory to approximately two and a half years ago. Everything in between that time and now is a blur. I recommend therapy and slowly easing him into his routine. We’ll monitor him routinely. I’ll give you a full overview of the situation and more information on how to proceed, for now, Mr. Buckley wishes to see you all.”

Chimney was the one to ask what everyone was thinking, “Is that really a good idea, Dr. Jameson?”

Doctor Jameson faltered, shaking his head, but a smile persistently stayed on his lips, “Under normal circumstances, I’d say no. It can be too overwhelming for the patient. Evan can be very persistent and convincing. I think it’ll calm him down and comfort him to see you all. If, however, it proves to be a mistake, I’ll have to escort you all out. Please, tread carefully and don’t push him too hard.”

Eddie wanted to kick the chair beside him, the doctor was staring right at him. Eddie sighed and offered him a small, gracious smile. The doctor merely nodded and retreated down the hall. Hen stood up briskly, pulling Karen up with her.

“I’m dying to see Buck, but I think it’d be best if we don’t overcrowd him,” Hen said, “Karen and I are going to go get all of us some coffee and some snacks in the cafeteria.”

“Let us know how Buck is, will ya?” Karen asked Chimney who nodded and thanked them.

Maddie led the shaking multitude down the hall into Buck’s room. He was perched upright on his bed, small talking with the nurse who was checking on his vitals. The nurse smiled up at them and walked up to Maddie.

“He’s doing better,” The nurse told them. “I gave him something for the shock, it’s easing into his system. If you need anything I’ll be around. I’m his nurse for today. I’m Nurse Carly.”

“Thank you, Carly.” Maddie thanked her and with one last thumbs up at Buck, she left the room.

“Uh,” Buck cleared his throat looking sheepish as his sister strolled towards his bed, cautiously keeping her distance. “Sorry for the freak out, Mads. This is all...just insane.”

“I know, Buck,” She tentatively reached a hand out towards him, seeing he wasn’t inching away, she pressed her palm to his cheek tenderly. “How are you feeling?”

Buck simply flashed her a dopey smile, his eyes flicking towards Athena and Bobby lingering behind Maddie. 

“Whoa, there’s a sight! Athena Grant!” His eyebrows rose as Athena rolled her eyes and crept closer.

“It’s Nash now,” She told him, slowly going towards his other side. “Athena Nash, at your service, Buckaroo.”

“Wh—Nash? W-when? Was I invited? Look, I know we started off rocky, but Bobby and I have this weird father-son thing going on...at least I think so.” Buck just ignored Athena’s giggling, her eyes twinkling with fondness as Buck rambled on. “He kinda doesn’t see it or agree with it but I swear if I wasn’t invited I’m giving you all the cold shoulder.”

“You were sadly excluded from all nuptial related things, Buckaroo.” Chimney looked dead serious that he actually had Buck believing him and started an uproar from Buck.

“He’s right, actually,” Athena remarked laughing at Buck’s exasperated gasp and offended look. “It’s not because I wouldn’t invite you, we’re good now — really good actually. It all just happened so suddenly and…”

Athena’s eyes turned grim remembering the circumstances as to why Bobby and her felt inspired to rush their wedding. She quickly schooled her features and waved him off, not wanting to disclose the overwhelming trauma Buck had experienced. It was too much for him, at least for now. Her motherly instincts wanting nothing more to protect him. If he didn’t remember his pain, she wasn’t going to be the one to allow that pain to resurface.

“Well now you gotta tell me the whole love story! Start from the beginning.”

Bobby watched as Athena launched herself into full storytelling mode. He watched as Eddie slipped away, walking down the hallway and only stopping momentarily to guide Hen and Karen to Buck’s room.

Bobby made eye contact with Hen, who was silently nodding towards Eddie who was slumped on a plastic chair. Bobby sighed and strolled over to Eddie.

“You should be in there with him,” Bobby said, taking a seat next to the dark-haired man.

Eddie’s shoulders dropped and he leant forward, hiding his face in his palms. He suppressed his whimper, biting his lip so harshly he tasted a hint of iron. Surely, blood.

Bobby let Eddie sob into his hands. He placed a hand on his back and rubbed circles into the skin of his back.

After a long, drawn out silence, Eddie finally spoke, “I c-can’t.”

“Eddie— ”

“No, listen, Bobby,” Eddie turned towards him, red-eyed and face shiny from tears and snot. “How am I supposed to be in there with him? How can I? He doesn’t remember me...he doesn’t know who I am!”

“But he will remember,” Bobby stated with conviction, digging his hand into the juncture between Eddie’s shoulder and neck. “That man loves you. I’ve seen you two become something special. He can’t do this without you, and frankly, you can’t do this without him.”

Eddie’s lip wobbled and he began crying again. Bobby wrapped his arms tightly around him and Eddie rested his head on Bobby’s shoulder.

“It’s going to be okay. He’s going to be okay. You both are going to be fine, okay?”

Eddie nodded reluctantly, “Y-yeah.”

The captain hated that this was all out of his control. He was fond of both of them. Buck was like a son to him. The young firefighter had been through hell these past years and it wasn’t fair he had to go through another trial. Bobby stayed motionless as Eddie fully exhausted himself with his tears and blinked back his own tears.


End file.
